Thomas Cat's Tail

Come here, come near, gather 'round young girls and lads
And I'll tell you a story of knights, armor clad
Of magic and mayhem and monsters abound
Told by me, Thomas Cat 'The Proud'.
Yes, I'm a cat and cats aren't supposed to talk,
But I do, so hush. Do you want to hear the story or not?
Daniel is my human, he wanted to be a knight
But the others taunted and teased 'cause he's so light

So, he shined their shoes and sharpened their swords.
He was only a squire, so he ignored their unkind words.
And then one day, a dragon came down from the sky
While the people fled, the knights began to cry,
"Oh no, that monster is by far, much to huge.
We are brave and valiant and live by these truths
But not for our swords or armor or the homes we live in,
Not for anything will we fight that dragon!”
So they quibbled and quabbled and quarreled and fought
And then one said, "wait! I've just had a thought!
Daniel's in training, he wants to be a knight,
So why not just let him go and fight?
If we send him and the cat, we'll be rid of both!"
"Be quiet," I snarled, "or I'll throw you in the moat!"
"Oh?" he teased, "and how does a talking cat
intend to accomplish such a feat as that?"
"Just watch me," I said and hopped to my paws,
"I'll show you with all my teeth and claws."

But then Daniel came and ruined it all.
"We will go," he said, "and make the dragon fall."
And as we walked away, I said to him,
"No! You don't know what you're getting yourself in!"
He picked me up and scratched behind my ears.
"Hush, dear Thomas, there's a witch, so I hear,
who lives in the forest and the enchanted sword she owns,
to the very brave and valiant, she occasionally loans."
I growled and groaned with pure despair
"A witch, Daniel, no! A witch, beware!
She'll have my tail and surely your head
With a witch in our midst, we're nothing but dead!"
But he held me tight, though my tail began to twitch
And I began to meow and howl, we went to see the witch.

He stared for a while before placing me on the ground,
Then knocked on the door, my heart began to pound.
It slowly creaked open and standing in front of me
Was the scariest woman I'd ever seen.
She said, "come in," in an old rusty voice,
So we did, but not at all by my choice.
Once inside, I thought Daniel too bold,
'Cause inside the cottage, it was dark, dank, and cold.
And then we just stood there and said nothing more.
Just sort of stood there and stared at the floor.
I began to get bored and started humming a tune
About an old witch, crazy as a loon.
And before I knew it, I was singing out loud,
As I started dancing, I heard a sudden buzzing sound.
The witch was pointing, and sparks flew from her hand.
"Oh, Thomas," Daniel whispered, "look, you've made her mad."
"Your cat is bad luck," she screeched. "This I vow.
I don't care why you came, you can leave right now."
Daniel tried to argue, explain, and negotiate,
But her dislike for me was far too great.
She very violently and quickly kicked us out of her house.
And then she yelled, "Daniel, you're cat's a louse!"

Back in the forest, I saw it and screamed.
It was far worse than anything I'd dreamed.
"Daniel!" I said, "The curse is taking effect!"
"Thomas," he told me, "curses don't exist, I suspect."
I started to argue and tell him he was wrong,
But the monster decided not to make us wait long.
He blocked our path and I knew we were lunch
Then the monster said, "hey, Cat. I've got this hunch
That since cats are small, their bones will crunch."
I ran away then, as any cat would And raced up a tree, as high as I could.
I watched Daniel fight the monster with no weapon.
It was amazing, outstanding! Daniel only just talked to him!
He asked to come with us and Daniel said, "of course."
Then he yelled, "Thomas, we've heard it straight from the source.
He's a nice monster and swears you wont be eaten."
Then the witch appeared and said, "Aw, my monster's been beaten!
You've proven yourself worthy, all but the cat.
I still think he's a louse, what do you think of that?
You can have my sword since you're valiant and brave.
Take that cat and my monster and your village can be saved."
So we took the sword and went towards home,
Me, Daniel, and the monster that was tired of being alone.
We got back to the village and saw an awful thing,
The dragon was there and the houses he would fling.
The streets were on fire and people were screaming
And in the middle of it all, the dragon was screeching.
We came back just too late to save the town,
But Daniel was sure we could still bring the dragon down.
So, they waltzed right up to him, and dragged me along.
"Go on, Thomas," Daniel said, "Tell him he's wrong."
They pushed me ahead, right up to the beast
"Oh," he said when he saw us, "tonight, I will feast!"
And as he reached for my body, "No! Wait!" I wailed.
An idea occurred to me as I saw her manicured nails.

"Dragon!" I screamed, "Dragon, are you single?"
"Why, yes," she said sweetly and my mind began to tingle
with the thought of my fabulous, wondrous plan
"Dragon dear, this monster here, well, he's a single man!
And I swear by my tail that he's looking for a wife,
So neither of you will be alone again, ever in your life!"
The dragon stopped short, me barely in her teeth.
She handed me to Daniel, who stepped out of her reach.
She looked at the monster and fell into his arms,
"Oh, monster," she said, "I can't resist your many charms!
I'm sorry I messed up this town; I'll fix it real soon,
Just wait until Monster and I get back from our honeymoon!"
And they ran off together, into the sunset,
Then the witch appeared and she sobbed and wept.
"I miss my monster, but I thank you deeply.
I apologize, cat. Sorry," she said meekly.
The king came by and quickly took charge,
"Daniel, that was noble to fight a dragon so large,
when no one else would, though they are knights.
And it's very clear to me that it's not quite right,
So kneel down on your knees and you status will change,
Thomas, you too, though it might seem strange.
I'll knight you both, bravest in the land,
Scaredy-cat Thomas and his owner, Dan."

So, there you are boys and girls, a tale told by a kitty.
And the other knights? Well, they have my pity.
The king made them our slaves for a week.
I slept in the castle and dined on roast beef.
And since the others were too chicken to fight,
Daniel became the number one, honorary, head knight.